i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
