I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
