There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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