I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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