Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
