"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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