After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
