What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
