Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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