i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
