I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
