you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
