Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
