Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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