she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
