i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
