I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
