FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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