ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
