Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
