every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
