there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
