i permit you to call me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
