All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
