That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
