This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
my liver is dry heaving
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize