we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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