My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
