uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
