I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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