one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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