I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
