none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
