So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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