I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
