You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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