There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
