Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
