seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
