just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His nipple licking is glorious
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