What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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