He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
