Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
