3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
