A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
