i already hear my dad disowning me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
