Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Who died my cat blue again?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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