You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
