omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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