You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
