It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's always time for handjobs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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