So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
