Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
