Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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