hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
