You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have tasted many bathrooms
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