The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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