is your mom at the bar?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
