it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
