my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
