Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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