Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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