Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
