fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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