drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
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