I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
