If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
