Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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