Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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