You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
porn star boner night. come get it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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