Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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