Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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