they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize