I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
