I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
