Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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