I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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